timothée chalamet is the new benedict cumberbatch in the sense that you can say ANYTHING and we know who you mean. tiffany chevrolet. timpanogos charlemagne. symphony cabernet. jiminy castaway.
most cutting thing you can say is “who’s this clown?” because it implies they’re a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
saying “my life sucks” when things go wrong: self-deprecating, depressin, makes you sad. Saying “Spinosaurus Aegyptiacus wouldn’t want this for me” when things go wrong: motivating, makes you think about Spinosaurus, reminds you that Spinosaurus cares for you
Pragun Dua: GUYS IM STUCK IN THE WEWORK LIFT. Slackbot: Hi! ‘Guys’ is a gendered pronoun. We recommend alternatives like ‘folks’, ‘all’, ‘everyone’, ‘y’all’, ‘team’, ‘crew’ etc. We appreciate your help in building an inclusive workplace at Headout. Pragun Dua: FOLKS IM STUCK IN THE WEWORK LIFT.
My favourite kid I ever taught when I was a swim teacher was this little 4-year-old Italian boy. One time he sneezed and nobody said anything so he just went “what? No bless yous for Giacomo?”
doctor: treatment is simple. go see orville, very funny clown. / pagliacci: what about pagliacci? / doctor: pagliacci? man i could not name a more suckass clown. / pagliacci: / doctor: just downright dogshit of a clown
My self-driving Tesla crosses four lanes of freeway traffic in an attempt to jackknife an oncoming subaru. In the final seconds of my life, I’m filling out a captcha to try and regain control of the vehicle, but I don’t know which squares in the grid are “woke”
Azhar: is there anyone even named sheldon irl? lea-chin-sang: my class turtle from 6th grade :) marty: that’s a turtle. lea-chin sang: When God sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?
gotta respect the longevity of microsoft word. nothing about it works and it’s still the standard. want to move an image? go to hell. edit a pdf? edit your expectations. ignore a spelling mistake? how about suck my dick. that’ll be 150$
doctor: I’ve written you a prescription here. Follow that and let’s check in next week. It should help with your symptoms but if it doesn’t we’ll know more. chiropractor sprinting to double kick you in the neck: say goodbye to IBS
This is NOT what America is about. America is about *opens history book*
